Secrets of a Soothsayer (Mayune)

[Mayune]

Sunday, February 14th


The Lunar festival starts. My mother is excited and moved with her gathering to Moonglade to welcome the Elders. My mother has finally accepted that I will take an orc as my mate, despite her arguments harsh words to scare me from the idea. She does not think well of orcs, or any other alien species or those of the young races, but she has adapted. She is angry that I have changed, and blames such on Golth's influence instead of circumstance. I have been battling much stress lately, and working myself raw to the bone, so it is not surprising that my mother worries. She knows I am happy though, and she told me that she now realizes the depths of which my love for this man goes, and how she is proud of me for finding such a soul to unite with.

... However, I am doing something she might never forgive me for; I am not there to pray and bless the event, nor wish off the elders from moonglade as they travel to their destinations - an old time tradition. I will be in Alterac Valley, fighting for the Frostwolves in hopes that they will see my passion to call them family, and that I will defend their home with the same ferocity as a bear to its den. I grow tired, and I find myself more of a soldier then ever, despite my reluctance to be one, having the same zombie-like walk in the encampments and the same vacant stare as we sit around the fire. Thinking of him brings a smile to my face, and replenishes all energy I am spending, but my body has barely had time to recover from all the other fighting I have done in the Basin, the isle, Gultch, and outside the Citadel. It has only bee less then a year when I decided to put on the armour and fight... I must build my endurance.

My mother may not forgive me, but I know my Goddess will. In Alterac, I prayed to my Pale Lady in the sky as one of her priestess', and wished the Elders my blessing to be safe in their travels.

I then asked for her support in my own journey.

[Mayune]

Monday, February 15th

Alterac has been a pain, but it warms my heart at making progress, even if it is small and gradual. I am working with some of the spiritual portion of the Clan and the suppliers of whose supplies seem to be depleted after the long winter. I am as much as a scavenger as I am a healer right now, and have been having to cut up meat and steal armour off the corpses regularly. It is hard to tell what is winter and what is summer in the Valley, but I am told I missed the worst of the weather and that things are now warming up. I guess in Frostwolf terms summer means 'very cold but doesn't kill you right away'. I think I know now why Golth always complained of the Barrens heat, if he was used to such conditions.

It is interesting seeing his home and seeing the war that continues to wage. I wonder if some of the places have sentimental value or not. Maybe I can convince his sister to explain some of the history of the Valley so I don't sound completely ignorant of his home when he describes it and have shown I have been doing some studying. That is, if she can focus on a topic aside from analyzing my hips ability to birth an orc child. Guess I should be grateful she is supportive. Sorta.

I make a habit of dropping by the First Aid area of the Argent encampment on my way to Dalaran as I seem to usually find a tear present - sometimes the chieftain, but normally Lockon. I have been regularly spending a small portion of my day with the hunter. He seems to have a great deal of common sense that makes me interested in his opinion and perspective on things, as his insight is quite different then most I have encountered. He is realistic. He also is very aware and is not afraid to call a spade a spade. Being with him reminds me of being with Dhiz back in Outland.... not that the two are similar in any way, shape or form, but the same casual chit-chat occurs. We debate, and we catch up on recent events, we speak of our mates, we speak of clan and values. He hangs around a group of the tears that I do not see much, and vice versa, so we both make an effort to keep in the loop of things so we feel informed. It is not that we have an interest in our clan brothers and sisters personal lives, but we have an interest in keeping balance and being prepared if we are needed somehow. He seemed concern for Lelle as he compares her often to Ran, and speaks more of his past beloved more freely and openly. I know if I needed help taking care of her, he would come.

He said I was a soldier and I disagreed. He seemed confused by my reaction, but acted as though it was a compliment. My vision of soldiers are those that are the fodder and peons of the war, of people who fight but have limited training. The ones that sit in silence around the fire and stare blankly as their walk is a zombie-like drag, armed only in cheap armour and weilding weapons they are still learning. I guess some healers see this, as these kind of people are majority of their patients. The topic came up again with Golth later that night, and he described to me what his definition of a soldier was, and what the universal definition was.... it was someone of whom fought for their pride, country, and beliefs, of whom are dedicated to their cause and would risk sacrifice themselves for the safety of family and home. It was not the warrior-like profession I thought it was. He said I was a soldier, and for once, i felt flattered by the term. I think I know what Lockon means now. I'll clarify next I see him as to what his opinion of a soldier is. I guess to me, I see the term now more in association with that of a parent - a fighter with a purpose, and a protector. Maybe that is why so many people make good soldiers, because some are programmed to make good parents? I guess that might be a bold and a bit over-the-top comparison.

I visited Vandrian yesterday. I wanted him to know he wasn't completely alone, as I know many of the clan don't quite understand him and so might not help him in a time of need. Fel, I don't even understand him, however, I know that he has risked life and limb for the Clan, and I have seen him rush into battle without a second thought to protect us. I know the man is filled with passion and emotion as any other, he simply does not share it like most. Vandrian keeps his emotions in a cage like an animal that paces contently, but once everyone is gone and it is safe, he lets it run about around those he trusts - of which is a mere few. Perhaps only Lelle has earned that trust. I expected to walk into the store and see him working away as if nothing happened, yet he was miserable and a wreck. Empty bottles were on his desk as he played with a necklace or pendant of sorts, doing nothing to it but rolling it in his fingers. He looked defeated, and lost. The sight of Blooddrake like this was shocking and disturbing.

We spoke. What I thought was a fight, seemed to be a backhanded slap as the plot thickened. I can't ask Lelle more about what happened or why she did what she did, but even Vandrian looked confused and betrayed -and with good reason. I was surprised how open he was about the topic, but was relieved he could still confide in me, but our friendship is not as strong as it was years ago. Maybe that is something I should make an effort of reviving. He said he expected me to yell at him... and granted, I normally do. The man as as thick skulled as an orc sometimes, but he knew I didn't like the way he was trying to change Lelle, and that but understand why he was doing it.

The letter seemed strange... I know Lelle can be dramatic, or exaggerates, but this seems weird, even for her. I suppose all I can do is look after her while supporting the two of them the best I can. I told Vandrian I would watch over her, and help her relax so she can think clearly. I hope things can be repaired, but Vandrian was hurt... and sometimes emotional wounds takes a long time to heal and forgive. I can only hope that none of my Clan sisters and brothers try and push the two apart or together - this is something they have to do themselves. All we can do is catch them when they fall and help them stand once more.

Where they chose to walk is their choice, and we must accept the outcome. Not because we are clan, but because we are family.

[Mayune]

<Several blank pages are torn out from the book by small raptor teeth, as penguin droppings are scattered across their surfaces, being used as something unsanitary by a specific infamous little penguin. The pages are in the middle of the hut, awaiting to be found as a present left behind the small critter guests as a 'thank you' for allowing them to stay.>

[Mayune]

Thursday, February 18th

I am home only for a bit, as I feed the penguin and the raptor. With lelle gone, I have to make sure the two critters are being taken care of. They left me a special 'present' of which requires my cleaning as well...

So much has happened but I am too exhausted to write much. Lelle is gone, and I need to find her... each moment she is within Moonglade, the greater the risk she is to herself, and others. My sisters are dying, my fellow priestess's of Elune, and I grow worried for my Mother of whom refuses to leave Moonglade so she can continue her prayers. She is a stubborn old hag and as unmovable as an old mammoth, but I would do the same in her position. My Clan family is attacking my other family. Instead of praying, i am patrolling. Instead of meditating, I am fighting.

Khaz asked me about about the Third and Fourth oath of the clan. I know all four perfectly, from memory. I am oathbound by them, but being able to make these oaths was a struggle that I overcame to finally be inducted into this Clan. If they need protecting, I will protect. Others may worry for me, but this is what is expected of all of us, of every clan member. Yes, I am exhausted, but I have not been a fighter for years like the others. I have only learned how to build the muscle and strength to wear this armour without assistance for awhile now, so I am building up endurance that they have already mastered. In time, I will master it as well.

I can only push myself so far though... I am useless to everyone if I do not take care of myself. I am no martyr. But now, my cup is overfilled, and I must decide which contents to pour back into the kettle and watch it as it boils...

The Frostwolves might decide soon if I will be allowed to be one of them or not. I would have hoped to stay in the Valley and impress them, show them my dedication. It was hard deciding to be there and missing the opening ceremony of my Goddess, as well as sacrificing time to fight when this is a time for meditation, prayer, and respect... yet I knew my Goddess could forgive me when others may not.

Now though, my sisters of the moon are being attacked, and my clan sister is also in danger. I have to protect the family and home I have now, then the home I wish to have. I will fight in Alterac when I am relieved of patrol, but such short visits might not even be noticed. I wish that the elders of Frostwolf knew how much I want to be a part of them, but Etar is the only one to speak of me, as Golth and I are busy patrolling the Glade. Just another elf, fel ridden, deceitful, and lazy. Not fit to be part of the Horde, not fit to be a Frostwolfs mate. If this is how they will see me, then so be it... every choice has a consequence. If this is one I must face, if this is what the Elders decide... then I have to swallow back my emotions and accept it. Moonglade is where I need to be right now.

Golth...

I am so sorry....

[Mayune]

Sunday, February 21st

As soon as it all ended, I was filled with an array of emotions. I could barely see anything as the crowd scurried around the doorway, watching Lelle and Vandrian do something in the dark. I was relieved when the Arbiter asked me to watch Etar and make sure he was safe and he wasn't a threat. I didn't want to stay because I would couldn't see anything, even though much was being done The display in the borrows only showed me that Vandrian knew more what we were dealing with then he let us know about. Like the Chieftain, I trusted Vandrian's judgement, but this was never about Vandrian making the right choice... it was about him choosing to make it alone.

Lelle was safe.... but I could not rejoice. I felt overjoyed with relief at her safe return, to the point where tears swelled behind my helmet, but I felt a sadness overwhelm me, and my heart feeling like insects were scampering and biting into it. It had been decades since I felt so pained, so... hurt, raw, torn.

I feel angry for being lied too. I understand Vandrian was keeping a secret, yet to tell me and an arbiter he knew nothing was a lie he never needed to say. He never informed me as he found out more details as he said he would, nor anyone it sounds like. His wise choices ensured that Lelle was safe, thank goddess for that, yet it seemed as though he wanted to be the hero of this event to prove something to Lelle... without any idea how patient and trusting the whole clan was. We all love Lelle... not just him. It took a great deal of energy and emotion to support everything and not ask anymore questions, to obey orders and simply watch. For that, I am proud of my restraint. It means I truly am dedicated to this Clan and have mentally and emotionally embraced them as family. But I do not feel comfortable knowing that had Vandrian fallen by Omen or became injured, his secrets would have fallen as well.

I guess the real question is... Would he have gone after Lelle had her life not been in danger? Would he have followed her and tried to get her back if she was still sitting at my hut sobbing? I am glad the two are together now as they are friends, lovers, and found happiness in each others arms, but I wonder if anything was even learned from this... if one would not heed the call based on duty, obligation, or convenience, but out of sacrificing pride and dignity for love. It was the very unwillingness to sacrifice the latter that added to this issue. Some may see this as romantic, as an act of passion... no. He would not have came for her had she not been in danger. Vandrian was never tested, he was obligated.

I feel annoyed that Etar was possessed and how close he could have been killed. People seemed surprised that I chose to watch over him that night and keep him safe after all he did to me, after everything he has done and will do. Several approached me to inquire the reason, when really it should be clear. First off, I was asked by an arbiter (which should be reason enough). Secondly He is still the husband of a clan member, and we are not petty to disregard his safety when he was injured and put at risk by one of our own. This was our responsibility. It is best he doesn't know I was watching him, as I doubt he would understand it as well or assume it was with bad intentions.

I was afraid for my mother, of whom refused to leave the Glade. Had Lelle killed her, I know things would be different. I know an irrational and illogical part of me would have blamed them, and I am not sure I could forgive without a great deal of help to accept the death. I can't lose my mother... I love her, she is my only blood. She hates the fact I am with an orc, and is repulsed that I had chosen the Horde and am joining the war. her being killed by a clan member, a clan sister... would have been devastating and turned my world upside down. I wonder if anyone even thought about this. The risk.

I feel ashamed that the Frostwolves are given a false impression of me from Etar, yet I can not defend myself. I know I could, or at least make a good effort as any, but I am scared I lost that chance. Perhaps there is still time, but I need to rest, and I need to pay my respect for the lives lost, as well as visit some elders and hope they can bless me during this time. May forgive me, maybe help me find strength.

I mourn for the three sisters I lost. Lelle was possessed, but a Tear - one of my clan - still killed three of my sisters. The Elunites and my mother eagerly await to hear the reason as to why this happened, but I can give none... I know nothing of what went on until Vandrian or Lelle choose to tell me. I am under fire from the community, and some see me as losing faith for not being more enraged of the events, when I am trying to swallow back everything so I don't make matters worse for everyone. I stand by my clan, and will continue to guard them from any backlash, but being a fellow Elunite in this situation has been a harder challenge then most I have faced... I never expected the death of another elunite to hit me this hard. Let alone three. I actually feel depressed by this, and feel like I lost a cousin or an aunt.

I feel guilty that I brought this horror into the Moonglade unknowingly.

I feel guilty that I did not push Vandrian hard enough for answers to prevent the death of the second, or the third.

I should have fought harder to stop this, or at least, understand it. My loyalty to Vandrian was strong I suppose, hoping he would tell me in time. Perhaps I should have pushed, when instead, I stepped aside. What is done is done, but I have little reassurance I made the right choice. I can't hesitate in thje future if something requires my split action, but I am worried I would pause. I am not certain anymore... I want to be, but experience can not be erased.

I feel alone.... if the clan could help me, I would ask it, but they can not in this issue. They could represent me in Alterac, but then I would still be judged based on what i seem to others, and not myself. My solitude is not felt due to lack of support from the clan, it is felt due to a lack of understanding and insight from some on my situation. This whole event had me tugged by different parts of my world - the world of my clan, my love, my faith. To appease all, and yet be all.

When Etar made his way Nighthaven that night, I followed. I was surprised to see people drinking, to see Vandrian there, and later, to see Lelle smiling and talking. Khaz was inducted into the clan, and everyone seemed to do their usual sunday gatherings. The harder I fought to surpress everything, the more my walls were being torn. Thalleia came and Etar was in good hands. I stayed for Khaz's induction because I was proud to have him in the family, but I took lockon's advise and left so I could finally break down and digest everything, and allow myself to feel everything. Many did not notice my discomfort. Those that did, didn't hound me about it, of which I was appreciative of.

I could chart more of my thoughts, my emotions, my opinions, but I won't.

Come morning, perhaps some feelings and perspectives will change, and I will not look upon such things with a harshness or with critical eyes.... but I need to document this all the same. I want to be alone for now. I can't think clearly, and I want to pay my final respects to the three sisters, as well as pay my respects to the elders of Azeroth in hopes that maybe their blessing will help ease my mind and spirit.

I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I could push myself more, but such would be stupid and senseless, and I fully intent to take care of myself. I have some energy to spare, but as promised, I will relax and drink up this moment. I need to rest and recover, and release this anger, this sadness, this discomfort, and move on, so I can be there to help the Clan when they next need me.

[Mayune]

Tuesday, February 23rd

Tired... but I feel more calm.

Sigmah took the two critters off my hands for awhile, and gave me a chance to sleep. Golth ensured my sleep was uninterrupted. I Woke up periodically, but seeing his massive form next to mine was comforting enough for me to return to my slumber in peace. His warmth was the blanket I needed to hide from the world for a bit, if only to just gather my footing.

I meditated on the hill today to ground myself and emotions. Many of them are not logical, nor needed... nor are they necessary. I am more angry at the situation then any particular individual, and it is not right, nor justified, to target them for it.

I need to sleep again... i am nearly recovered.

[Mayune]

Thursday, February 25th

A trip to Winterspring and partaking in the Lunar festival was just what I needed to calm my nerves. I am noticing I am more aggressive lately and my spirit is ready for battle. I am not used to feeling such anger.... maybe the war is affecting me more then I'd like to admit - not the one between the scourge, but war in general, and my changing role within it. I seem to be fighting with the alliance more these days. Sometimes we are victorious, sometimes we are not. But any battle you can walk away from is one you can return too until a true winner is decided. I will be happy to return to fighting, but I need to see some some of the elders first, and I'd like to share some time with Golth and Clan.

Lelle and Vandrian seem fine. Lelle told me parts of her past of which was difficult to explain and extremely private. As respect, I won't document what she told me, but I feel increasingly worried for her. I feel this need to take care of her, to extend a wing and wrap it around her for protection. I really don't know why. It feels almost parental, but it also makes me uncomfortable. Why do i feel like an old hen amongst the clan now? Perhaps spring is coming and something is in the air. The time for renewal and forgiveness. I am finally allowing myself to be happy for them again, as my main worry about her leaving due to having problems with him were now false and can be pointed at the spirit. Vandrian must be relieved, and hopefully his feeling of betrayal from her is now ceased.

This entire situation had taught me some valuable things... or at least reminded me of lessons I already knew of that needed to be exercised.

Reacting in anger is not the way to go about things. Anger is our weakest form of defense, and while it is alright to be angry in some situations, that anger needs to have a focus. It needs a purpose. It needs a reason. Without one, you are just making it harder on everyone and lashing about at shadows.

Just because you trust someone, does not mean you step aside and leave everything unquestioned. We are all capable of mistakes, and of making wrong decisions. It is not trust that we are ultimately challenging when we question someone's purpose or plan. It is clarification, and providing input on something that you have a right to comment on. However, you also must not mistake someones actions as a sign of a lack of trust by believing someone handled a situation without your consent or consideration. There are many factors involved, and you might not be aware of them all to be capable of making that kind of a bold judgement. Their decision was probably made with the best intentions, and were not intended to be be interpreted as an exclusion. Sometimes you have to sit on the sidelines and be ready for when you are called upon.

Family exceeds beyond blood, but there is no shame in being unable to prioritizing them and determining which is more important to you. I couldn't choose between my family, and I realized that this was okay. They all hold a place in my heart and I am loyal to them all - blood, moon, and clan. One is not more important then the other because certain families reign over different aspects of my life. My family will grow bigger as time passes.

In times like this, I like to return to my memories of sitting by the campfire in Feralas, curled in my mothers lap with her pale arms around me, speaking in a voice that was as soft as a moths wing and gentle as a morning dew. There, she told me many stories. despite how young I was, she never sheltered me from the truths of death, life, and birth. She knew the world was harsh, but it was also beautiful. I am reminded of a story, one that my mothers mother passed down to her, and was passed down to me.... of how people can change not through just the goodness in the world, but through the bad as well...

[Related Memory]

[Mayune]

Tuesday, March 3rd

List:

• Feathers: Blue, and orange. Arakkoa maybe? The skyguards mentioned Terokk... maybe his feathers would work? I'll need to make a capsule.
  
• Feathers: Orange. Must be from a ferocious creature. I saw a large orange bird in Nagrand once, maybe it can spare some feathers?
  
• Underbog Hibiscus: Can be used for sewing, if harvested correctly... need a big sample though. Maybe a boglord?
  
• Tough leather: Nothing fancy here...
  
• Some Blue Metal. Adamantite? The Bleeding Hallow clan has some of the best adamantite around.
  
• Sapphires. I think I have some of these. they could probably fit a belt.
  
• Scales: Not sure of what

Problem: Kilt is nice but can't find a top. Found an alternative option, but might not be fancy enough.

<random doodle of nothing in particular>

Date?

<some more doodles before text finally proceeds>

The fighting is good. Meeting some people who I have healed in Wintergrasp, and receiving many 'thank you's and kind salutes. Been attending the Gurabashi Arena. Haven't lost yet, but there has been some close encounters, and sharing words with my opponents afterwards has been a great way to meet people. I have had some very fun conversations and jokes with them. I am starting to like this... being a 'soldier' as Golth calls it.

I would rather not fight at all, but I feel... useful. I feel like I am Horde. I will be an orc's wife soon, and an arbiters mate. I can't bring disgrace to the clan, only honour. I need to be resilient if I am to keep my promise to Kormok, if only to keep on eye on the frostwolf.

Been dueling a lot more to prepare for taking Lelle to Stormwind, but I'll need someone to protect as they defend us. Sigmah is good. He can restrain himself and be respectful. Kind of hard to find people who won't get trigger happy or reckless. We aren't there to kill anyone. Guess we could sneak in... maybe incognito? Lelle and I could probably pass as people if we wear hoods and tuck our ears back. Not sure about Sigmah.

I need to let the Chieftain and Golth know about this for their approval first. Note: Send mail.

[Mayune]

Wednesday, March 4th

I stood in the field, still and silent. I looked around, with emotions wrapped around me like a blanket; Pride, Excitement, Sympathy, some Fear...

Red Banners
Red Tabards,
Red Weapons
...as red stained the grass

So this is the Horde... this is victory? This is triumph? This is hope?

I think I know now what I'll wear.

[Mayune]

Sunday, March 8th

Met a strange troll today that I recognized from a month or so ago in Orgrimmar. He was easy to remember, because he is the only troll I have met that speaks often about his mother and seems to have a comical and dramatic shyness and cautiousness about him. He also is probably the only person to ever call Rakmara a man and lived to tell the tale. I am unsure if I would call him cowardly, but I would call his need for preserving his life and well-being is well above the average risk-taking troll. He was a bit charming, in a goofy sort of way.

I'm almost finished my headpiece, but my skirt is incomplete. It has been ages since I've sewn anything, so I am taking my time and using the best materials to work with to avoid any error. The gathering trips thus far has been very successful, minus a few dents in the armour. I also was able to gather what I needed as well for Vandrian's Totems from the trips.

Unfortunately... I seem to be developing a rather large bill.

Armour repair, travel costs, equipment, medical supplies, herbs, weapon maintenance... they can be expensive. I never realized the hidden costs when I switched from my typical clothed garb to that of heavy armour using a weapon and shield. My armour for warfare is nearly done, and its craftsmanship deserves the extra money for a great smith to keep it in good shape. I will be also acquiring a few new pieces of armour I requested from the Argents that should help me on my medical missions. I can't wait to see it, but it has put a dent in my account for the upgrade.

Looks like I'll have to figure out a way to make some coin. Vandrian's jewelcrafting books have been helpful but I am no where near the skill he is to made money off of it as a trade, plus it makes my hands raw. I suppose I could gather some ore but my arms are exhausted after a day of wielding the sword and board. I could try and work up my alchemy again, but I am so outdated that it would take me quite awhile to refresh my memory and learn about the new potions discovered using Northrend herbs.

No, I need something creative, something that I can do between missions and alliance assaults. Maybe something to take my mind off of things as well so I don't lose myself in the malice of the war. Something... peaceful... yet profitable?

Lockon gave me a possible idea....

I wonder if I still have fathers satchel and trunk in storage. It may have exactly what I need if I am going to even consider the possibility of pursuing this alternative. I guess the first question is: Which storage would I have used during my nomadic days several decades ago?

I guess I'll have to begin the search for my 'buried treasure' and cover my footsteps. Company for this might be nice.

[Mayune]

Monday, March 8th

A few more things to the list....

* Rampart Worg Pelts
* Seer Arakkoa Feathers
* Silver Micro-Chain Thread
* Sulferon Ingot
* Fire-weaved Silk

It feels odd doing this, but I think I finally understand why my mother wanted me to go through this whole process. She stressed that in many old cultures, every object in such an important ceremony should have symbolism or a story. It should have a purpose, or be a gift in itself. Its importance doesn't need to be shared, or even appreciated, by anyone except for you. Mine will tell a journey. I do not plan on having children nor even think it is a possibility, but my mother insisted that I put effort into this, for someday I might pass it down to another to inherit. I guess I am making a family heirloom...

The final craftsmanship is important. I am able to piece together some of the materials, but the final construction needs to be done by a professional. Having a piece crafted by the hands of a Thunderlord orc would mean a lot to me so it is authentic. I hope that what I plan to offer will convince them to do this task. I still need to visit a few more places before I can go to them and propose a deal and sell them on the idea.

Then there is special gift for golth... the cloth collage. I'll explain what the details are about it later, to avoid any surprises being ruined in case he does get curious and snoops around. It is not done yet, and still requires some work before I can present it.

I'll continue to do my tasks for the Crusade and the Horde while work on this project on the side. Many Alliance have been recruited it seems... they must anticipate war as well. I wish I didn't have to fight, but I will do my best to ensure that our brave soldiers are looked after on the fields. If the Tears do join the war, then they will need a battle healer who is experienced fighting the alliance.

Fortunately... that is one role I can fill.

[Mayune]

Friday, March 12th

I presented Golth with my gift. I was unsure if he would like it, or would think me strange, but he seemed proud.

It is a single cloth that I have been carrying with me through the start of this project (of collecting materials for my dress) that my mother gave me as a gift, and I guess as a partial blessing. She challenged me to make something with it, something important and meaningful, to remind me of her, and what is important to me. It is strange... the first thing that came to mind wasn't sewing it into something or embroider it. It was something more primitive.

For every few kills of the slain on this adventure, I allow a single drop of blood to drip upon it. Originally it was a vibrant white, but after so many kills, it is practically all stained in red. It is like a collage I guess. A collection of different races, different enemies, different dangers, different faiths, from different locations... all vanquished. I never knew the variety of red that some creatures had.

It was a gift to him from one betrothed to another, so he we can put on the wall in whatever home we locate to when things settle down. To know that we can fight, that we are victorious, and reminds us that any new enemy, whatever they may be, will have a place on our wall. Even stained in crimson, it seems to shine and glisten a moths wing, like all mooncloth does.

Mother might not appreciate it as much as I do but she does not see this as desecration. Neither do I. I don't feel that Elune would be ashamed of the tribute. She may be a pacifist god, but she knows war exists, and that the living should be remembered and honoured - even if it is that of our enemies. In the old times, we would take a cloth of blood of our loved ones and burn it on the fire. Others, the cloth would serve as a reminder of their existence and humble us.

From now on, I always carry a vial with me... in case I encounter a beast of sorts of who I wish to add to our collage. Golth says the orcs wear their triumphs on their body as scars. I try to avoid personal injury, but I guess for myself, I will be armed with a vial and have its blood as a symbol of victory.

[Mayune]

Thursday, March 25th

The war is finally over?

I visited Lockon after I heard on the guildstone he was involved in some sort of tunnel collapse. He seemed fine, and was at home in Ashenvale. When I visited, he confirmed what I had heard rumours of on the battlefields: We won.

I will be more enthusiastic when I know everyone is alright. I encountered Sigmah, Rodias, and Laethe, all of whom seemed somewhat distraught and... lost. What is a victory to some, is a lost opportunity for others. So many Death Knights had hoped to slay Arthas themselves, and how they were robbed of the chance. They feel like they have nothing now, no purpose. I can't understand the anger they feel, no one can, unless they were robbed of everything. They want revenge, and now can't get ever obtain it. But...most can still feel love, feel compassion, anger, sadness, can't they? What can I do (as someone who is alive) that they can not, other then procreate and have a functioning digestive system?

The thing is... they forget that even when we are alive, we still don't always know what our purpose is. I am still trying to find my place in life, but I am not worried right now over finding an answer. I have a family, a love, and a home to defend - things that I never thought I would ever acquire. My true purpose might be undiscovered, but I have a responsibility that must be performed.

My body aches beyond anything I have ever felt. I don't know when we became victorious in the citadel, but like a floodgate, the battlefields exploded with numbers I had not seen in ages. New warriors returned to the fight, and most of them were equipped well beyond the usual crowd. The beatings we have received have been brutal, and while we have had many victories, it is the moments where you must retreat and regroup that stings the most. Before I traded my staff and robes for a sword and armour, I always was on the farthest line of defense and made sure to stay away from the fray. Now, I do my healing in the front where the assault happens, of where I am beaten around like a bug in a glass jar that a child is furiously shaking.

I guess I am able to stand by ground a bit better, but I am embarrassed at how exhausted I am after a battle compared to the other races, that seem energetic and primed. I'll be stronger someday if I keep this up, but I have to be aware of my limits. I also need more training if I am going to do this seriously... how to use my sword, my axe, my shield, how to dodge more effectively, how to fight with my hands, etc. My body hasn't been this bruised since I fell down a cliff in Unguro trying to get some mountain silversage (I really hate that plant).

I'll find some people to help me train. That way, I can help train some tears if they wish to join. It would be good to fight alongside some Brothers and Sisters. If the Clan does partake in the war, then I will be there to welcome them to battle. We need the Basin, the Gultch, the Isle, the Strand, and the Lake Wintergrasp if we wish to stay supplied. Resources are the blood of battle, and without them, we lose - not because of our skill, but because we bleed out all the materials we can afford.

I miss him. I know he is alive... but I can't stop myself from pacing. I hate this feeling of worry, this uncomfortable dependency for an answer about his condition. Vandrian, Lelle, Athalia, Kormok... I pray to my lady that they survived. I was relieved when I saw Sigmah and Rodias had not collapsed into a lifeless corpse without the lich kings power, for it means that Athalia, Khaz, and Akhania are alright also. No doubt, the chieftain is even more relieved that he still has a wife.

I have returned home although I am staying outside of Warsong Hold more frequently. Currently, I am resting up for a few days from the battlefields, although I might help with some of the undead clean-up here and there. Now that more soldiers are fighting in the fields, those that had fought for awhile can get a short break before returning. Its time to mend our cuts, lick our wounds, and heal our bruises. With more people's lives to watch and take beneath my wing during battle, as well as sharper weapons trying to cut us down, it is critical that I keep focused and alert.

If this war begins to rear its ugly head... it will happen soon. Garrosh and the King still seek blood.

[Mayune]

Monday, April 12th

I just returned from my pilgrimage to Hyjal. I was unaware how important this journey truly was...

I was asked to help escort my mother and her group up the mountain where they wished to pray and meditate. The journey through the demon infested Darkwhisper Gorge was, as I later found out, a trial of how I composed myself when fighting, to reveal the skills I had developed, and how I chose to use my Goddess's light. Once we were at its peak, their intentions for the trip were revealed to me. I was once again tested on the mountain upon the fields where the mighty battle took place of Malfarius's supposed death, but I won't go into detail. I met their expectations of that of an Elunite Warrior, and earned their approval to continue my path with their blessings. Going this route of turning from priestess to warrior, thought it meant I had to sacrifice myself from Elunes grace... I was under the impression I was an exiled daughter if I went the route that they proposed.

It seems he was right. That I never fell from grace, but instead, chose to climb another pillar towards the same sky.

I feel enlightened and relieved. I guess I was more worried then I thought about not being seen as a daughter of Elune, or being part of her followers. The cold edge in me that I seemed to have developed through so much fighting, has warmed and dulled. I felt a gentle nature wash over me on that mountain, as if I reached a purpose I was meant to obtain my whole life.

I heard a song... what I thought was Elune, was actually my mother's sweet voice. She had been skeptical of my choice to fight, but that night, when the elders blessed me as i was bathed in moonlight, she sang and embraced me. I forgot how much I missed her arms.

My title as a Priestess of Elune, as well as Daughter, was returned to me from the Elders. My mother untied my hair as they replaced my worn silver circlet that I was first given decades ago, with a new one of silver and blue, to wear with grace and pride. The moon insignia rests on my brow, more heavy then the last.

As I journeyed back home, my mother and I talked. She told me she was proud, and that she finally saw me as a woman and not just her little girl. For the first time since I joined the horde, since I found love in Golth, since I became part of my clan...I felt accepted by my mother, and my elders. They supported me and my decisions. To be blessed by the peers of my faith is a feeling of breaking free of anchors that I had dragged behind me the past year.

Finally, I feel freed.

I feel blessed... and renewed. Now, I am ready.

[Mayune]

Friday, May 14th

I hate fish... so why does it bring me peace to go fishing?

Maybe a distraction. I find myself with my rod equipped as I am on guard in Wintergrasp. All I seem to be doing these days is fighting the alliance and catching slimy creatures with a hook and bait. Every day I need to bath with a bar of soap so the smell of fish doesn't follow me back to the hut.

I have become adjusted to the cold, as it is where I fight everyday now - both at Wintergrasp, and the Valley. The glare of the snow with the sun in the sky doesn't burn my eyes as it usually did, nor do I remember how cold I am. Thank goodness Golth laced my armour with fur.

I was so angry at him, but I the talk with Lelle calmed me. She is wise, and others would realize this if they only listened to her in matters she took seriously. I have no doubt he loves me, and my love for him is still strong - this was never in question. As much as I want to be happy that we are finally taking a stand in the war, I can't help but feel that we, us, are taking a step back personally. We were so close, and now I feel it slipping away again from something beautifully dynamic to something static...

A small part of me wants to remind him. Another larger part of me wants to see just how buried it is as an after thought. No, it isn't anger I feel, it is a sense of urgency - it is a fracture of trust that needs results in order to mend.

My heart feels heavy right now... I want him to help carry the burden he promised he'd relieve me of, but his workload has tripled and he has many things that is in need lifting at this time. I can't be selfish and demand he helps me in this task, but I do wonder.... What will he chose to carry, and what will be left vulnerable on the ground?

Fishing might not find me answers, but it sure does prove to be a good distraction.